i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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