Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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