I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
