I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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