she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
