he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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