Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
