In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
