last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
