i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
