Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
