I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
