I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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