Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
