You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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