So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
