Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
