My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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