Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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