The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
