Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
