Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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