if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
