I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
