Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
