I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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