Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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