sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
