My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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