I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
