This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
