you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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