did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
