bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
