Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
