We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
