She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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