Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
