too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
