this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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