I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
