3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
