Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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