Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
