I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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