Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
