Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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