if you like me you must not know who I am
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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