he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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