He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
