NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
