I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
