at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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