Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she looked like the before picture.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
