Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
