I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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