She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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